Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside & immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room & lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
My whippet-inspired additions (with assistance from my whippet friend Debbie):
13. I will not stretch my legs out as far as I can against my owner’s side when sleeping under the covers.
14. I will not “accidentally” fall into my owner’s ice cream dish or drool on them until they are so grossed out that they just give me the ice cream.
15. I am not dying when someone cuts my toenails. No one will cut off my foot either.
16. I will not eat wildlife on the living room couch (or any indoor furniture for that matter!).
17. I will not chase and catch and attempt to eat seagulls at the beach in front of Mo's Restaurant again.
